From a female LIB reader. I have a feeling I will have a similar problem when the time comes...lol. Read below and advise her
I am a woman who has waited long for the right man. I have found him and we are getting married in February
My dream wedding has
been planned since I was 20 and now I can transform all those imaginary
plans into reality. There is only one hitch, I am way more successful
financially than my fiancee. He is doing well for himself-averagely- but
I am rich. I know he can’t afford some things that I would like to do
for the wedding like invite some of my favourite artists to perform, buy
a designer wedding dress and give everyone generally a good time. Continue...
I am a very low
key person and only popular in my industry where I work so I’m not
flamboyant in anyway. But this is my wedding, I feel
like I’ll look back and regret it knowing I could afford to do these
things but didn’t. I love my boo, we are best friends and he is the love
of my life. But, his ego will not allow me pay for these extra things. I
know if I insist and beg and cajole he will allow me go ahead and do
whatever I want to do but is it worth it? What if he doesn’t feel
comfortable on the wedding day? what if this becomes a big problem in
future. I am thinking of both of us in this case and I’m afraid I cannot
come to a conclusion in my mind. Forget asking my friends, they are so
2014 they think i should pay for what i want if he can’t afford it. I want my fairy tale wedding, I also do not want to bruise my fiancee's ego in the process. I need a middle ground, please HELP!
235 comments:
1 – 200 of 235 Newer› Newest»Madam I guess you've read Steve Harvey's book "think like a man" oh well, true love wins at the end of the day..that's my advice to you..is it true?
With understanding ..u are good my dear..there's no need dwelling so much on this! U know ur fiancée better than we do so with understanding dia woudnt be any prob. God bless ur wedding in advance! Read this ok? Ecc 4:9-12. BishopDammy#.
My dear go ahead and organize your wedding as u so desire. If he asks u any question on ur wedding day just tell him dat u wanted it to be a suprise. If u keep considering his ego den u won't have ur dream wedding as u said. Enjoy urself. I'm out. ***CATCH ME IF U CAN***
Hahahahah!! @I am sure I'll have the same problems too. Smh linda
I pray God Almighty help and see you through!
Amen.
Remember... A wedding is one day, but your marriage is for a lifetime.
Its just a day celebration or event... Y spend so much? Pls listen to him.
I tnk ure a gud woman nd u do luv im vry much cus u puttin im in2 consideration so i tnk he shld also do d same talk 2 im abt hw much diz wuld min 2 u nd if u a yoruba girl we knw itz d bride dat hadles d reception mostly so u cn use dat also bt also dnt ova do it do a lil 4 im nd a lil 4 u bt let im knw hw much diz wuld min 2 u
hmmmmm
The Difference Between The Boy you Date and the Man you Marry ( Must Read )
Hey dear... you can do it!! just let him take the lead. Give him the money let him be the one to pay for it. i.e be on the background and push him forward.
pls dnt let ur friends know that you did all that or that you gave him money to
Do everything with moderation, the wedding is just for a day, but the marriage is forever.
Shut the fuck up and fucking do what you already know is right. Marriage is between you and your broke ass husband, not your 2014-ass friends. Stop asking these punk-ass questions.
Be a bank to him.....to pay lera!,its FAMILY
dis is crios
Meet The Female Nigerian Celebrities Who Are Still Virgins
Why overcomplicate things??
Just say your parents have contributed to the wedding. Seeing as it is the responsibility of the brides family - life ain't that hard
Kindly talk to him first about it to see his reaction towards it then you can do anything you want.but if he didn't agree just do it lowkey..maybe he doesn't want to shout
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Ok Linda watch the movie "Act like a lady, think like a man" with Steve HARVEY, maybe it's going to help
I think you have answered it all 'middle ground' ...I am a guy by the way. This sound like Linda herself.
I think you have answered it all 'middle ground' ...I am a guy by the way. This sound like Linda herself.
Hmmm LIB readers,Lindiway needs our help. Help answer her question.
~BONARIO~says so via NOKIA LUMIA
TALK TO UR FIANCEE ABTUR FAIRY TALE WEDDING..... HE JUST MITE AGREE WIT U ON IT..... HE SHUD AGREE JOR
BUT I VF ODAWISE, I BET THERE WILL BE ODA CELEBRATIONS U CAN DRM OF...LIKE ANNIVERSARIES
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ZB
My take is that he doesn't need to know that some of these things you want are coming from your purse. For the dress, you cld say it's a gift from a friend. I don't see the big deal here, you don't need to spill the beans on everything, Men will be men, no matter how much in love u r with each other. If he isn't comfortable with ur success u shldnt be getting married in the first place.
This shows you are marrying a good man, this is just beginning of your marriage. Pls support his decision, this shows you are ready to submit and be his wife. WHML, all the best.
My take is this: Reach an agreement and give the impression that it's your fiancé who paid for everything. Two of u just design a crafty plan and make it look like fiancé did everything. Then, never, ever mention it again. Never throw it to his face no matter the issues u may face in your marriage. At the end of the day, u have your dream wedding and boo's ego is safe. Problem solved?
Let the husband plan the trad wedding while u plan the white wedding.
understanding is d key,a flamboyant weding dosent automaticaly transform into a gud marriage,tok 2 him n find a middle ground
The truth is, if you already see this as an issue before the marriage, it will definitely be an issue after the marriage. You know him better than anyone here so you need to assess how you can handle it. I know some men who having a wife that is more successful than they does not bother at all, but then there are some that cannot live with that, really figure out where your man stands now o. Especially if he is already talking about his 'ego'.
Personally i believe we all deserve to get what we want, if we can afford it, so i would say you should do what makes you happy! It is your day to remember for the rest of your life.
This shows you are marrying a good man, this is just beginning of your marriage. Pls support his decision, this shows you are ready to submit and be his wife. WHML, all the best.
my dear its a once in a life time thing but my best advice is too talk to the man who is the head of the house and you both reach a conclusion of what you both want for the wedding. just remember your most important role is to be submissive.
Hi Poster. If you really love your boo so much as you claimed then you wouldn't do anything that will bruise his ego. I am a man too, avoid outdoing a man. He may be quiet now but it has future implications. Your priority should be how to have a successful married life and that journey begins with decisions such as this. Please be wise. Don't do things because of only you but see things from the perspective that you are semi-married. Do things that will benefit you two and your unborn baby(ies). Linda this goes for you too. ToxTox
hey lady, you seem like a reasonable and clear headed woman and trust its a virtue not many women have these days and if you don't believe me you don't have to look too hard,your "2014 lady friends'are examples for you.
so to your issue, my dear the relationship you have with your fiancée seems real and you dont wonna hurt that for your future sake. i think u should make that sacrifice and not make him feel like you are the one sponsoring his wedding rather that both of you celebrating your wedding together.
men dont like their egos bruised, so keep it real and GOD bless your union.
NB. you can hook me up on twitter @adnilyie for more advise, i will like to know how your wedding went, cheers.
Don't do it! DO NOT TRY IT! Its not. Worth it at all. Lemme break it down. So u make more money abi? And he knws u do, believe it or not that ego is already bruised. Then u nw want to tell him that he cannot afford to give the woman he loves the fairy tale wedding she wants. Translation to a man: I am not man enough. So u may beg and he ends up agreeings so nobody calls him enemy of progress, but u will have planted a seed of resentment and trust me u don't want a marriage that starts out like that cos whether he means to or not he will resent you for that. One more thing, a mans dna is programmed to be the provider, the pillar of any home. If u take that away from him, please trust that eventually, he will find somebody who makes him feel that way and it won't be because he doesn't love you, it will only be cos he can't help himself. Always make a man feel needed and ull get the best out of him. Goodluck dear!
P.s: dnt mind those ur friends that are forming 2014, bitches are treacherous, and will be telln u nonsense that will bring u down to their unmarried, unpropsed level. If u want to be a good wife and have a good home please and please do it old school.
Mims...out!
I will advise you to stick to whatever your fiancee wants. What would be your gain if you spend so much on a wedding and could not secure your marriage after. I dont believe in lousy wedding any ways because what matters to me is HAPPINESS.
First question to ask here, who did the proposing?
From my point of view, do consult with your boo, communicate and analysis the present and forecast the future (i stand to be corrected that, that your dream man should have a listening ear and respect for you).
Your wedding should be like you corporate organisation where you make quick decision on financial matter. As for your friends that are 2014 that are advising you now will not be there to resolve your trouble in the nearest future. My candid advise to you is not to live tomorrow for today. Save up and invest for the future.
Congrats to your married life and getting your dream man.
Waoo,@Linda's true life story FOC#WINK#.....Babe, discuss with your partner and reach a conclusion togeda,dnt force things on him and be very mindful of his reactions.
Tell him u want him to play an online lottery,force him to play, later tell him he won ,then Send him like 50million from a secret account, wow! Honey money don come O now we do our dream wedding
Keep it cool, this may cos problem in the future #bright bravo#
Bring out money nd give urself wat u want, nd don't make him feel u r doing it cos he can't afford to, make it look like an assistance..
queenreigneth@gmail.com
Swt hrt I understand ur pain but wot i'll advice is to make d wedding not too load cos I knw later on wen u guys r married u can renew d wedding and @ dat time ur hubby would be capable of fulfilling ur dream if u guys work together. My opinion tho
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\outl0\strokewidth0 \strokec2 The truth is, if you already see this as an issue before the marriage, it will definitely be an issue after the marriage. You know him better than anyone here so you need to assess how you can handle it. I know some men who having a wife that is more successful than they does not bother at all, but then there are some that cannot live with that, really figure out where your man stands now o. Especially if he is already talking about his 'ego'.\
Personally i believe we all deserve to get what we want, if we can afford it, so i would say you should do what makes you happy! It is your day to remember for the rest of your life.}
dear, i think what you would regret more is looking back and knoowing you could give yourself what you wanted but you didnt. if your fiancee really loves you, he would let you have what makes you happy and push his ego aside. i understand what you are saying quite alright, but life is too short to live with rregrets.
GO AHEAD AND Emasculate HIM.....it isn't just your wedding its both of you. YOU WILL END UP THINKING THE SAME ABOUT EVERY-OTHER ASPECT OF YOUR MARRIAGE LIFE
DR McPOPE
i am happy for you dear but you need to understand right now if you are serious and honestly wantto get amrried you can no longer think of yourself and your feelings alone.i would strongly encourage you to let him be d lead on this ne.Men are different from us,he needs his ego to be intact and coddled and kept strong,now insistg on your dream will build up resentment and eventual collapse of the marriage.Sarcrifce this one day for the innmuerous anniversaries which you can escalate to any scale you want.What really counts is d quality of your relationship insyd marriage and this reflects in the joy and happiness you share celebrating anniversaries with loved ones.Please be wise about this.i pray the Holy Spirit gives you the wisdom to make the right choices ijn
May i just say that you are the smartest woman i have heard speak in a long time!!! And if what you have said is not just talk but truly how you feel, then i believe your will have a wonderful marriage. My advice let this song keep ringing in your head, " I LOVE MY BABY"!!!
Try asking to pay the difference between what he can afford and what you want, But do not insist!!!! And Girl you have to let go of some things, you cannot have it all. So prioritise and decided what aspects you really want and those you can let go. That what you let him have his pride as the man you love providing for you. Having said all this please, please and please remember, its the marriage that matters and not the flash in a pan wedding!!! so Compromise!!!!
wow! I understand u ma'am,but its quite simple,he loves u dearly and he wud love to gratify you. so,after discussing with him,estimate that u might wanna do in financial terms and transfer the sum to his account,now he can issue the payment,because in the long run,his biggest fear is Pple gathering to say you paid for this you paid for that. so wen its time to pay for your dreams,its referred to him,that way his ego is preserved publicly,but I hope its also preserved with you too,cos its a secret between you two,jus respect him and may God bless you more and also your union. Your worries is enough to show you value him,and that will really go long way.@Linda ikeji,u cud learn from that too,so u don't actually be in this situation when your time comes.
If you guys are friends like you claim, sit down and talk to him. Wedding plans ought to have slipped into conversations while you were dating.
men can be proud and there are ways of reaching a compromise.
If you are worried about the future, are you indirectly saying you will throw it in his face in future that you paid for the wedding? If you think you are capable of that, then allow him pay for what he can afford. If not, I'm sure you'll be just fine, as long as you are sure of your friendship with him. However don't overdo anything especially if you know he is not comfortable with it.
Madam/Young Lady I advise you talk to your boo about how you have always imagine and planned your wedding day in regards to the activities of the day etc.... Make him understand its your day and his and since you said he is your best friend he may basically want the things you are wishing for.Secondly try and make him understand you want them not to show your wealth status but for the memory of his and your best day on earth, I am sure he will see reasons with you... And always pray I wish you best of luck.
If u cross that line of showing him u are too rich....that is the end of your marriage forget is ego
Is ur wedding I will advice u go for wat u want rather than regreting it.....
think you should discuss with him and let him see reason behind this. u won't get married twice
LINDA IKEJI IS DIS YOU??u jst described ur self oo!!!!
Linda, is dat u???
hello, this is my first time commenting on LIB.
It also his wedding too and if you have accepted to marry him, it also means you have accepted to submit yourself to him. The worst thing a woman will do is to burst the ego of a man in a relationship, they may go to the extreme to correct that in the future which may bring problems in your marriage. Let him have the impression he is the major contributor to the wedding and with your little assistance which may be major only WHEN HE ASKED
hello, this is my first time commenting on LIB.
It also his wedding too and if you have accepted to marry him, it also means you have accepted to submit yourself to him. The worst thing a woman will do is to burst the ego of a man in a relationship, they may go to the extreme to correct that in the future which may bring problems in your marriage. Let him have the impression he is the major contributor to the wedding and with your little assistance which may be major only WHEN HE ASKED
hello, this is my first time commenting on LIB.
It also his wedding too and if you have accepted to marry him, it also means you have accepted to submit yourself to him. The worst thing a woman will do is to burst the ego of a man in a relationship, they may go to the extreme to correct that in the future which may bring problems in your marriage. Let him have the impression he is the major contributor to the wedding and with your little assistance which may be major only WHEN HE ASKED
Do it and say ur family members contributed immensely to d wedding.
That is not ego is he being the man of the house,if u can't do what he says now,will u do them when u are married,,so respect his decision pls and dnt ruin ur happiness after the wedding think wisely dnt allow ur wealth over move you.irebisibrown@yahoo.com.sg
Dear Rich Wife,
l have a few question you will want to answer.
DO YOU REALLY LOVE UR HUSBAND TO BE?
DO YOU REALLY CARE FOR PEACE IN UR MARRIAGE FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END?
DO YOU WANT TO BE RESPECTED BY YOUR HUSBAND AFTER THE WEDDING?
IF YES,
Therefore, DO IT YOUR MAN"S WAY ITS THE BEST.
My dear if his okay with it go ahead. You also need to be happy on that day. But don't over do it. All the best.
Seek hs opinion bou it and if he insists,pls ditch it cos trust me,he'd use it against u in the future. Plus dear,other opportunity will come for u to show off all u want
this is something you should sit down with him and talk about. wedding is a woman's thing ( well that's my opinion)so long that you do not pressure him. if he loves you that much as you say, he will allow you
Your not going to remeber anything cause your going to be so happy, but if you insist and go ahead with your plans then you will bruise your man's ego. 10 years or 20 years down the line all this wont matter trust me i know besides marriage is a union is shouldnt be about you.
Since ur husband is average, I belive doing things in average. Is good so stick to ur hubby. All the best to you.
This is so Linda Ikeji seeking for advise. End of story!!
Talk with your fiancee about the kinda wedding that you want, he might accept or adjust a lil.. The bible talks about submission.. Submit unto him since you love him... Most responsible men won't really feel comfortable see their lady take major responsibilities... Above all,,, pray for God to give you wisdom through this and please don't seek friends/family advice!!! You don't have to do an extravagant wedding to be happy!!! Still submit unto him.
@BOBO_EDO
This issue goes beyond even your wedding day you'll be married for life so at a point u'd have to do some things for your family financially and his ego will still be bruised so the best option is for you both is to see a counsellor so you'll know how to deal with the issue without it affecting your marriage.
Sounds like an Igbo man. Anyway, tell him your family have contributed and you want to use it towards the things you'll love to have at your wedding. Tell him you feel bad that you are not contributing, Tell him your group of friends have decided to contribute and invite your fav artist as a suprise/wedding gift. lies i know but I wouldn't want anyone/anything to stop me from having my perfect wedding as I dont intend to get married more than once. Note - As for the wedding dress, he doesn't have to know how much you paid for it #wink
I believe marriage is NOT abt the wedding day alone. I goes years beyond dat. If he isn't comfortable, you hv to make dat sacrifice cos he's the man. U shudnt let 1 day ruin ur happiness of many years to come. #MyOpinion tho!
P.S: Get the book Love and Marriage by Anne Townsend...it will help you a lot.
you need to be open abt your expenses with your husband. he shd not have ego issues now or else it will be a big problem later. try and make some of your money become "our money like putting in a joint account or something then u can spend together
have you tot of the fact that,u spend so much just to have a ur dream wedding and u look back and ask ursef y? y did i spend so much? well u could have a simple but classic wedding.make ur guest very comfortable. u do not need a big wedding my dear.cos at the end people will stil not apperciate it all. you will stil hear nasty complains.u need to make ur man feel comfortable , cos one day u will have issues on all dis wedding matter, besides there is something called 'wedding fever or wedding cold feet'. dont make ur man have that pls... so just have a simple wedding and a dreamland honeymoon.
it will not be a problem if you know how to handle it. why not you both make the plan and then tell him how much you would like to contribute for the wedding. its your day, no doubt, yet he is your husband. so use your skill to make him see things well and not make him feel you are the one calling the shots, he will shutdown immediately. And Linda, don't compare your chapter one with someone else's chapter 10. your life is different. so ride on
Linda the time has come what are you still waiting for?
have you tot of the fact that,u spend so much just to have a ur dream wedding and u look back and ask ursef y? y did i spend so much? well u could have a simple but classic wedding.make ur guest very comfortable. u do not need a big wedding my dear.cos at the end people will stil not apperciate it all. you will stil hear nasty complains.u need to make ur man feel comfortable , cos one day u will have issues on all dis wedding matter, besides there is something called 'wedding fever or wedding cold feet'. dont make ur man have that pls... so just have a simple wedding and a dreamland honeymoon.
If his ego will not allow you pay for your wedding, then something is very wrong with him. If my wife happens to be richer than I am, it doesn't make me less of man, and if I'm richer than my wife, it doesn't make me better than her. It's just money.
are u humble?will you use it against him in the future?will you tell your family and friends that you paid for it all?thats what he is afraid off.promised him you will keep all this to yourself and be humble.keep assuring him you will respect him no matter what.he will agree
honestly,I think u shud let him av his way,u don't want to wound a guy's ego over something not so significant
Talk to him and tell him truthfully all you have told us here. Both of you will reach a level ground that will suit all parties eventually.
PS. Your friends or colleagues dont need to know his financial status... You need to ensure his respect is not negotiable.
Just know your union is going to be about both of you being happy and comfortable with each other..very important!
Linda oo linda..Linda oo linda *in wizkids voice*..U ar talkn abt ur self..lool..its nt a bad idea to spend on d tinz u want..ur boo shld understand..We ar waiting for dat wedding date..Linda nwa ikeji..lmao....................................#KingOfKings
Your Honesty is much appreciated. You said he is your best friend. If he is, i would suggest you express these feelings to him (I mean everything you have said about wanting this dream wedding since you were small and how you do not want the decision to go all out in the wedding to affect you both in the future well EXCEPT the i am rich part). Let him know it has nothing to do with finances. if he is truly your best friend he will understand.Remember "a soft answer turns away wrath". Be as gentle in your conversation.
Your Honesty is much appreciated. You said he is your best friend. If he is, i would suggest you express these feelings to him (I mean everything you have said about wanting this dream wedding since you were small and how you do not want the decision to go all out in the wedding to affect you both in the future well EXCEPT the i am rich part). Let him know it has nothing to do with finances. if he is truly your best friend he will understand.Remember "a soft answer turns away wrath". Be as gentle in your conversation.
Go ahead & make ur plans,i dont think its goin 2 bruise his ego,‘cos he knows ur worth and tell him weddin is different frm marriage.Congrats.
Dear Poster,
i quite agree with you on this, you seems to be a very humble lady. well its possible you ve a wedding of your dream without him getting upset, just make sure you carry him along. in my case my wive's family took a very major part of our wedding even tough i earn more than my wife but as at time of the wedding i couldn't afford such extravagant wedding but they wanted it so i just took my calm and allowed everything flow naturally. i am sure your fiance will be ok with your plans as long as you carry him along. Best of luck
na here u come feel say u go get help? smh...
Talk to him, buy what you want because at the end of the day you may regret not going for what you want and probably feel angry towards him for a while.
u wouldn't ve discussed that wit ur friends. u being rich is a blessing to ur marriage. Give him the money to do all that. cheers!
My dear, you have all the answers already. Why are u seeking attention?
This is lye being in between the devil and the deep blue sea. Am in a similar situation. To my friends my boyfriend is just there for the money. Me i tell them am not a mind reader and i cannot put all men on the same pedestal. You are strong to be thinking of marriage bcos the issue of ego would always be there just have that in mind. God be your strength.
If you're really concerned about your future with him then don't go about splashing cash because you'll regret it.. He might feel you want to intimidate him by your ways of spending but i will advice you to humble yourself if you truely love him and have a change of mindset towards your wedding plans, having the whole celebs on your wedding day doesn't change anything. Remember the future has alot to offer.
Hmm Linda. Are u worth up to 60 million? U say it could be you..
My darling,what are talking,the dude obviously new you are way richer before planning to marry you.
My advice,give your self what you can afford,you have waited a long time for it.
Invite moi,I need to b there lol,send invite to Jazmin827@yahoo.com
My dear you have all the answers, why r u seeking attention eh?
U already av the answer... Stop being a baby
MY DEAR, WEDDING DAYS ARE FOR WOMEN, ITS WHAT YOU WANT, NOT WHAT THEY MAN WANTS. COS ITS ONCE IN A LIFE TIME TING. BUT THEN SINCE HE WANTS TO SHOW THAT HE IS A MAN. DIALOGUE WITH HIM. I BELIEVE HE WILL UNDERSTAND. DO HAVE A SWELL TIME. MAY GOD HELP YOU.
nkiru4love@yahoo.com
My dear, I like one of the questions you asked; "Is it worth it?" Some of the things you may want to indulge in but if going all the way could hurt his ego not just in his eyes and yours but also before all your guests, is it really worth it. The wedding is one day and your marriage is a life time, you do not want to do something so temporal that would negatively affect the permanent.
My Dear LIBer, it's easy, u said Ur fiancee is your friend right, and u said u can beg and cajole him into an agreement to do what u want, this is it, so simple, tell him u want a time out, start the gist of your fairytale, the way u want your wedding to be and then introduce the point of u wanting to loan him some money, u know u don't want the money back. I just think you need to talk to him, let him understand u wanna support him, i don't see any issue here Mam...just talk, dazzol
Folarolar :)
Communication is. D key.tell hm abt it. Dt u r jst doin ds cos its u ppl's weddin n wil wwnt d best n ask him if he's com4table wit it,tell him 2 b sincere wit it.if he says no n dnt wnt it,den u shld let it go n do wats. Necesary 4 d weddin n make it worthwhile @d same time.bt if after talkin 2 him,he understands n say u shld. Go ahead,den dts beta 4 u.jst discuss it wit him n know his. Stand on d matter!!!!
Is nt a big deal if u can afford make him see reasons wit you. Bt something tells me is linda dat is asking dis question.linda is well. 225E75F9
If he says u shouldn't do all those things then don't do it. If u disregard him it will make him feel u re trying to control him.
FACE OF LIB
This is one of the toughest dilemmas a woman can face. I read this, thought about it and got stuck with no answer. Since I'm 21 and not married yet (soon though, lol), I asked my older/married male colleagues for their opinions...no answer still.
We did agree on something though, she should discuss it with her groom...don't make the decision without him.
Good luck!
Well, since you asked me. I'l tell you the truth, go ahead and get what you want for your wedding. Make him understand that what is your's belong to both of you and you are ready to support the wedding in many ways. Moreso, your duty in his life is to support him. He has to let you do it. And ì must add that situations like this will arise during the existence of your marriage, wise up and never boss him around or make him feel he is not needed. For now, since you can afford your dream wedding, pls go get it. You only live once. Moreover whats the point of having money if you cant spend it? Goodluck (but not Jona) lol.
U shud go ahead wit it is ur fairytale wedding is ones in a life tym is ur day he shud undastand bsides u won't tell everyone dat u paid 4 it' d mistake u already made was telling ur friends abt it' u shud av kept it within d family.
i perfectly understand what you saying, i have a man whom am financially more buoyant than, but if u say u guys are best friends he should undertand, discuss this with him, tell him how u feel, let him tell you his fears and all, you can come to a compromise, you might not get all you want but u can get a few with a perfect understanding that you not paying cos u superior in cash but because you want the best for the both of u it is no longer a "me" show but "us" "our" wedding,, keep repeating that to yourself have it at the back of your mind, wish u a lovely wedding and a happy married life
This post smells linda, linda, linda.
my dear, think of a fairly tale marriage not a wedding. your friends will not be there when the chips are down neither would u have those people u are trying to impress at the wedding. Men have ego; pls. protect his EGO.
Tel em finz u want fr ur drim wedn like list dem out......den gv em d moni 2 get dem fr u dat wil mak em feel powerful agin.....or mak it sound as if u want 2 borrow em moni *husby/bf nva pay back borrowd moni* .....gud luck nd congratz on ya wedn....... Linda ve faith dat a rich man wil cum 2 u,dnt settle fr less coz ur unique
~@iamJbankz Olamide's PA~
Just forget the flambuoyant wedding, it will cause tension believe me, buy a fine wedding gown not necessarily designers, do something both of u will enjoy so as not to have problems in ur marriage later. Goodluck.
Firstly I admire your wisdom in the way you are handling this issue. Fairy tale wedding is just for that day, though a wedding is a once in a life time event, the relationship is forever. If you strongly feel this could cause some crack in the relationship then just do an elaborate simple wedding that will not bruise your boo's ego, this is sacrifice for long term marriage over just a day wedding. Good luck and God bless.
your thought has already told you what will happen in future,it is now left for you to advice yourself on what to do.
Your problem is nt really serious na, just sit him down since you said you guys are best friends also and have a talk with Him and I sure he will give you go ahead. Goodluck babe and don't forget to invite lIBers for the Wedding ooh.
~~Sir Alpachino~~
Your problem is nt really serious na, just sit him down since you said you guys are best friends also and have a talk with Him and I am sure he will give you go ahead. Goodluck babe and don't forget to invite lIBers for the Wedding ooh.
~~Sir Alpachino~~
Remember that the wedding day is just a one day affair but marriage is forever, you should concentrate on having a fairy tale marriage than wedding lol...seriously do whatever your husband to be wants u to do...so u wont regret it later..every responsible guy as a bit of ego so its natural.
U re so vain Linda! Biko, how rich are u? Enough of ur self praising. Let others do dat for u
I feel you just do whatsoever that makes you happy, have seen cases like dis so many times. All that matters is the understanding.
I thinks you should just do whatsoever that makes u happy, have seen cases like this, @ d end is the understanding that matters.
Be careful how you go about it. A wedding is a few hours but marriage 4 a lifetime. U dnt wnt to do something on the wedding day tht will affect ur marriage.my cousins fiance ended up leaving her cause of same problem.he wnted wot he cld afford she wnted plenty xtras cause she earned more than he did. U hv anniversaries n all coming up where u cld invite ur fave artists.
If you think your make up is too much, then maybe its too much. Only 2 people are important on your wedding and after your wedding, and that' s the 2 of you. You will regret not being happy after your wedding, after all the social media hype you wanna create. Be wise, he will love you more for it. Isn't that that worth it?
Your decision is made, but your need for public approval is what may have bruised your man's ego.
You gave a description of yourself, how you stand financially compared to your man.. and more interestingly the month you intend to wed!
Your friends and husband do not need to be CIA agents to figure this out.
Reemember that the wedding is just for a day, and the marriage is forever. I mean, FOREVER. After everyone leaves that Saturday, it is you and your husband. So, think about it; do you want to be happy for one day? Or, you want to be happy forever?
In the last few years, I have watched people throw flamboyant weddings, only for the couple to split a few years later, or even months later. Trust me, the happiness of your marriage is not worth all the glam of a loud wedding. It is up to you to make the choice.
There is nothing with having a low key wedding, as long as your loved ones are there with you.
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This really is 2014, Men naadays don't want liabilities. They want help mates....Both parties can contribute for the wedding BUT
The lady has to be humble about it and still make the man understand He's the head of the Union.
If the man has a well adjusted ego and his self confidence is on point then he should have no issues understanding that she can afford to make "THIER" wedding a lot more flamboyant...
On the other hand if the guy has some inferiority complex, then wahala dey! ...lol...she should allow him dictate the tune, else that will be the first "Kasala" in thier Nuptial union.
#my 2 cents
On 2 the Next!
it is good u want ur wedding day to be great. but wedding day is just a day affair. marriage is for forever. what u and ur husband feels on dat day wil determine hw ur relationship we be in marriage.
You are a very sensible and wise woman. Pray over it and let the holy spirit guide you
Tell your husband to be all this,he's not a monster.He'll understand
Hmmmmmm
sweetie,its ur wedding and u should glow in d ambience of it...if he doosnt allow u do the tins,then he is selfish.he I lucky ur even thinkn about his ego...if na me,i will do all of it and apologise later...but come to tink of it,ur man is not egocentric,i tink he is a real man to even want thins within his budget...but den again,its ur wedding darl,u may not get a second chance...so make it as fairytale like as possible..if he loves u,he will forgive u for wanting to hav a beautiful dreamlike day....Last Duchess.
do what you must, beg, pet him, convince him...he'll get over it, wedding is once in a lifetime, even he would wanna look back with no i-wish-i-had memories. let him know u aint doin it to flaunt nada, it's just a dream u can make come true. he can't deny you that. and you too, don't overdo it.
lolz....no matter how much you try and code your words...i know this is your story linda ikeji.....well just try and let him know that you dont and will neber see him less if you take the bigger portion of the wedding expenses....happy marriage life to you sha...u knw nah even if u no wan tell us yet.....#corleone
He knew U were rich b4 he decided to be wit U! He shud luv and accept U and Ur wealth o..as long as U giv him d respect he deserves as a man.pour out ur feelings and tell him hw much it means to ve d weddin of Ur dreams!In a subtle way. And goin forward U shud respect his decisions and ideas sometimes...U shudnt always be in control.
Thank God, you asked yourself whether it worth it or not. It is a very good thing to have your dream wedding after considering some fact.
My dear, why not invest on the guy to bring him to your level. I bet, If you don't the guy will be thinking deep down during the wedding that all money spent (wasted) can easily be turn around by him to million, even if he did not think towards that area, his friends and family will. But if you have (i.e invested on him) then call him and explain to him (watch his reaction closely as you are telling him).
I'm a lady like yourself and I know what I'm saying.
God in His infinite mercy will give you more wisdom to handle the issue bless your marriage.
Blessings
flexycouture@yahoo.com
You are blessed to have found someone who isn't intimidated by your wealth. A wedding doesn't define your life together. save your money for the honey moon, kids and future if he doesn't feel comfortable. There are so many other celebrations where you can show off your wealth! I would opt for a small intimate wedding. Definitely talk to your partner about this though.
I'm a married man, and when we did our wedding we didn't pay for everything some came from family, if you can afford those things that you feel will make your day memorable and fun for you guys discuss it with your man,and I want o guess that he is mature and modern in his reasoning; thus a mature modern day man should be happy for your success and not pout about little things. As a man you can only feel inferior if you know you don't have the drive to get past the level you are in today, the things I can afford today were dreams when I married almost 3years ago but now they seem to be common place and everyday things and my drive and focus has moved up to another level.
Pls just listen to him. Your wedding is just one day and it's over but the two of u will be together forever. Just listen to him and let joy be in the house. Jo.
I'm a married man, and when we did our wedding we didn't pay for everything some came from family, if you can afford those things that you feel will make your day memorable and fun for you guys discuss it with your man,and I want o guess that he is mature and modern in his reasoning; thus a mature modern day man should be happy for your success and not pout about little things. As a man you can only feel inferior if you know you don't have the drive to get past the level you are in today, the things I can afford today were dreams when I married almost 3years ago but now they seem to be common place and everyday things and my drive and focus has moved up to another level.
In yoruba land it's the girls parents that pay for the wedding... unless the groom's family are far well off. Can't u behave like it's u r parents that are paying of aunties and uncles. This "I am rich talk" is what would be the doom of this marriage. Don't u ladies know how to pretend?
madam talk to ur husband abt it and do what he says,if his comfortable with it fine and if nt why do it den.forget you having the money or not wedding will come and go buh remember marriage is a life time thing,dn't create problem for ur marriage in future and stop asking ur frnds for advice on wht to do abt ur wedding or marriage frnds will always mislead u and advice you to do what they will never do...if u want a happy home desist frm frnds and see ur husband has ur frnd..may GOD help us all(amen) princessfelicia24@yahoo.com
i really understand what your going through but for the sake of the future, for the sake of your LONG TERM MARRIAGE, for the sake of your happiness after the wedding rember is just a day affair pls slow down cos there are so many things to celebrate later in life. dont mind your frds, dont be conjore in pleasing them, is all abt u and ur future, no matter what u do or how much u wanne spend u cant do more than kim and west. be wise, wish u all the best
Linda it's only a Johnny Come Lately like you that will say this even though you added a "lol" at the end... I have a feeling I will have a similar problem when the time comes...lol
This rich wife has no problem. Tomorrow your husband may become richer than you.
The middle ground is for both of you to sit down and discuss everything in detail. A wedding is just a day and you can go all out as long as it's affordable.
Linda don't worry I will start by telling you that even though I am not as bouyant as yourself, I still have enough to make us happy. Take care of the wedding cuz it is your dream day. I got the honeymoon n any other stuff from there, I have Ibiza or Bora bora all set. All this would not mean a thing without me asking you in these four words "will you marry me" hit me up babe *wink*
I believe you both should sit down and have a proper discussion about this. Tell him exactly what you told us. PLEASE NEVER LET OUTSIDERS GIVE U ADVICE CONCERNING UR MARRIAGE. U and ur boo need to start now, to have all these conversations. He loves u and would want you to be happy. U need to let him show you this.
I wish u all the best and congratulations on your forthcoming nuptails.
Talk to him first if he understand then I really don't see anything wrong with u paying for what u want. Just make him see reason with u coz it's once in a life time thing. u may never have dis chance again
Ask Simi Osomo how she convinced her hubby to do such a flamboyant wedding ,cus I no Sydney could not afford such a wedding.As for u Linda looool who told u u will still be rich by the time u get married "tongue out"better start investing ur money wisely,all those ur designer bags /clothes and shoes won't be able to fetch u good cash if the need arises,however if u have already started investing,good...
yo!..am not married but i appreciate that u considring your husband ego...draw a list of your fiarytale wedding,you guys discuss it, u both reach a conpromise and have a win win situation...and keep it just btw you too as possible....niyinugar say so(niyinugar13@gmail.com)
Linda, you sure you're not indirectly shying away from letting us know your plight, and that you're the woman in question.... Okay ooo. Tell her to carryout her wish.
Here in 9ja ,it is the bride's family that do most of the spending if they're financially, so it a simple thing, simply make him see that its ur parents that are financing the wedding.
Its all about communication and understanding and d greatest mistake is seeking a advice from external sources. U know him beta dan anybody,luk for his soft spot.
Den u shuld av atleast tried getting married to a rich husband since ur eyes are in big tins aand d fairy tale kinda life. Oh plss!
First of all, you live in fear, fear of what the future will hold (In your marriage) you need jesus. If he's your friend like you claim, he'll let you have the wedding of your dream. Then again, what book of law state that your husband to be is the only one that should finance the wedding? In a nutshell, your case taya me. I donno what advise you want.
Find a middle ground, compromise. You can get some of the things which will make u happy but in no way hurt his ego, for example ur wedding gown. But think and consider other "extra things" coz basically a guys ego is bruised wen he can't provide some things for his girl and people begin to talk. Be wise and considerate, remember ur wedding day is just a single day marriage is a lyf tym affair. Be sure to make him happy right Dom the first day of marriage.
Madam,there is no middle ground. If he loves you as much as he claims or you know and is your best friend, he will understand. He should encourage you to have as much fun and have the best of things on your special day. Afterall, white weddings are majorly bride-focused (ha dress, bridesmaids and all the bride's glamour). He should suck it up jor, afterall you are not asking him for anything. By the way darling, if you start now to please him and forget to pleasure yourself even when you work so hard to make the money, it will be like that forever in the marriage. Although NOTE to be moderate in your desires and share the gifts and pleasure with him as well without hurting his ego. Just balance generally.
The best thıng ıs to go along wıth hıs own ıdea of thıngs and also try to understand hıs ıdeas lıke you saıd you are not a flamboyant person so try to do somethıng wıth hım that wıll match a low key.Its not a must that you have an artıst just get a dj to do d stuff and make ıt a wonderful lowkey event ı wısh you all the best. God bless your marraıge ın advance.
Mc says so vıa Nokıa E71
Forget it if he says he doesn't want,go along with his plans.
Communication and explanation with a hint of begging should do the trick
If it'z ur dream,make it more vivid to him.a mature man will support u and hold on 2 his integrity.regret after weddin is not good 4 marriage. And,coz ur man is average 4 now does not mean he won't be richer if he's determined,educated,harworkin and truthful.follow ur dream coz the man 4 u will understand u if u don't make him look like a fool by showin off dat u did this or that.don't pretend and a real man won't pretend either coz they hav conscience and there'z no sugery 4 conscience. *** CROWD * PULLER * PLEASER***#
You can pay for your wedding dress.that should be all because u want to feel like a princess.but no favourite artist to perform. A good d.j will be just fine.enough food and drinks and everybody forgets if u are wearing Marc Jacobs or givency dress.
I think from all indications you already have the answer to your problem by yourself.Some lady men who loves to use women would definetly embrace the idea of you paying for those things,its only a man who loves you and not your money that would turn it down.Be smart lady,wedding would end and everyone would go to their homes,its you and him that would remain in the marriage.You can plan a fairy tale wedding with what I think you guys can afford from his level of finances,atleast he's not saying you shouldn't put in anything he just doesn't want too much that would outshine him or his.I know people without big names and labels to their products whose wrks are way better than all this brand people(I plan events,small time). Be wise my dear,you have a beautiful thing goin,don't spoil it.
My Dear,I think if ur fiancee truly loves you he won't mind you doing some extra things that you want.don't just go overboard that will make it so obvious.Men usually don't understand why we want what we want bt my dear if you both can seat down & talk about it then am sure he will enjoy d day u av planned afterall if your parents had it planned,he would have gone with it.
If it'z ur dream,make it more vivid to him.a mature man will support u and hold on 2 his integrity.regret after weddin is not good 4 marriage. And,coz ur man is average 4 now does not mean he won't be richer if he's determined,educated,harworkin and truthful.follow ur dream coz the man 4 u will understand u if u don't make him look like a fool by showin off dat u did this or that.don't pretend and a real man won't pretend either coz they hav conscience and there'z no sugery 4 conscience. *** CROWD * PULLER * PLEASER***#
well i think u should properly discuss it with your spouse nd tell him exactly how and what you fell about the wedding plans..... this time dont persuade him just allow him speak his mind so that in the end you wont have any regrets and even if his response is negative then just let it go because there is nothing like peace in your marriage
It is sad that people concentrate on planning a wedding and leave the important aspect which is life after the wedding. What you should be concern is life after the wedding. Thank God you have the money but I advise you to inform your fiancé about your plans and reach a compromise. Wish you all the best.
Ds is not something dat is dat big of a deal oo...if u can't assist ur man when he is not financially stable then y Una dey marry....ofcourse u can pay for some of d wedding stuffs and Ofcourse it's not gonna affect ur marriage jare ....wishing u d very best hun...
aww you're a good wife to be even considering this; but remember relationship is about GIVE and Take.
The middle ground is COMPROMISE.
He needs to meet you half way, pick one or two things that means alot to you (i.e Dress, Hall, Food, Entertainment) and splash!! then leave the rest for him to do what's comfortable.
Or, tell him you want to take care of the reception (or meet him halfway), then let him Spoil you on your honeymoon, as he wants. something for you, something for him. Don't lose a good man over something so silly as a good party.
Good luck.
Lovely comment...the best advice to give her
You can use your parent. Plan with them or better still, anyone (elderly) that he knows and respects, to write a cheque in his name or both of you and give to both of you as wedding gift. Thereby, he wont say its yours, he would think its a gift from your parent or that elderly and respectful person. Have a very wonderful wedding day and blissful marriage thereafter
let me give u my personal experience. if you both don't have a joint account. open one now. agree on how much both of you will put into the account. explain that u will add more because u have some money that u have earmarked for the wedding but not 5 times more o! all monetary gifts come to that account. all spending goes out of that account. do a spread sheet of all u want to spend and show it to him. he should let you know which he is uncomfortable with, u discuss and reach a compromise (or plan on cajoling for that bit). we took out money for honey first though. well prepare to hold your mouth when he too starts upping his game by spending more. if u feel xtras cant come out of the account just pay for them from your account. enjoy. c'est fini
Dear sis, u can still be happy and have a great mariage with ur hubby without a flamboyant wedding BUT starting marital life on a sour note because of a flamboyant wedding ur hubby does not approve of is not a good sign.
Hi guys, just off the topic. was invited for a test / interview @ no 5 Yinusa Adeniji st. Unity b/stop Off Toyin st. Ikeja.Ever heard of them or have had contact with them? Hope they are not scamers.
Pls,i need reply today as tommorow is the day.
Thanks all.
My dear its fine to have a dream wedding but my question to is how will a so called dream wedding ceremony determine happy ever after the wedding is just a ceremony its not a factor in your future marriage.The wedding is not the marriage I suggest you stop being cosmetic and trivial and focus more on having a dream marriage that will last till your life on earth is done. This is one of the reasons many marriages fail people focusing on the wronge things.
Make sure u dialog & compromise with him. period!
Linda is this you? lol. In Nigeria if you are richer than your hobby too much jealousy.
yu can make it work, dear. i know people who liv like dat. wen yu wana make a decision on money, u av 2 talk to him 1st! make it look like both of you have to contribute. ***yeancah***
Linda dont marry a poor man oh. They are NO good.
Linda, learn some modesty.
Sorry nah no vex,No go get high BP ooo @osnon
LIB readers are wonderful people. Nice advice
The wedding day is the bride's. Tell him what you said here about dreaming about and planning it since childhood. If he loves you, he should indulge you. What's the use of having money if you can't enjoy it?
Well, if you know your Boo wont like it i think you should drop the idea of your dream weddding. In as much as it a once in a life time thing,you are not the only one involve here,he should also have a say cos it concerns him
don't get it twisted...you have a picture of your wedding already in your head ...do not at anytime try to underestimate the power of a man ....especially to the point that he feels his ego is at stake..you guys will seat together and plan it out .make a list of what to be done and ways to execute them ..you may decide to take the areas you think he may not do it to your taste. its all about communication.shekinah.
Lolzzzzzzzz
Marriage is not a child play, face d reality and respect his feeling
you can't do them all, pick your favorite of all the things you want. if they are ten extravagant things on the list pick 3 that will benefit the both of you and one that will make you remember the day forever
This what Yorubas call talaka alagidi. He's broke but has too much pride to let you lift him up to your level. Rather he will want to drag you down to his own level. This is about wedding plans today but be rest assured that he will do this forever with hospital to give birth, what school the kids should attend and where to travel for holidays. This what I told ******. She didn't listen. Her marriage crashed after 3 years. Linda posted it. Its hard for women who have money because the men that want to spend are gold-diggers and the ones with pride become liabilities.
Don't plan and execute the wedding without his knowledge.
Is that you Linda, dancing skelewu.
Wedding is only for how many hours again?????????? Please do what he wants n try to find a common ground. Marriage is a lifetime commitment. Please you will need to build houses, give your future kids the best. Save for investment and business. We live in a world of instability. For your high paying job may not be there forever. Wish you the best
Hummm anuty Linda re uo sure uo nt d one ? I kno uo to be aa brave woman, do whts right. All men re creatd equal. LIB Princess! Pretex4luv@yahoo.com
my dear sister i believe in the middle ground. you need to find common things that you both would like at the wedding and would make him comfortable for example pick the designer dress and forget about the famous artists. there is no groom who would not love his bride to dazzle on their wedding day. invest in making the wedding venue quaint and beautiful in such a way that will make him comfortable but also make the occasion memorable. Good luck you deserve to be happy too.
I don't give a damn if my wife is richer than me. I am living my life with great content. Long ago I got know that money can't give u 100% hapines but contentment does. Give ur husband d money to arrange ur wish. 4 god sake. Must people know u r d spender. Ur questions shows that u r a notice me person. As 4 u Linda. What makes u rich is much from inside not ur physical cash most times.
Linda this is you!! go ahead and do what you want to do so far you are very careful to avoid doing thing that will make the guy feel bad.
I take it you're not Yoruba right? Cos in Yorubaland, the bride's family caters more for the wedding than the groom's.
You can have your own dream wedding and say your family sponsored it.
Linda I won't advise you to marry a man you're richer than o. After the wedding what happens? The woman won't be able to buy a house in Ikoyi because of his ego, she won't be able to buy a car she likes because o his ego, what about school for the children. The point is you'll never be able to live the life you can afford and want because of his ego. It's a terrible way to live
@white gardenia, pls dont go they r scammers, they called themselves New Age Resource, they say they under GNLD. u will b asked to pay a license fee of 10k, they will waste your time, with their long persuasive lectures, brainwash u on d benefits attached. pls dont!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just talk to him about it.since he is ur best frend he shud understand
Marry me Linda. I'm cool like ice. We can be happy together. It is honestly not about your money. I ain't hungry sugz...
I know it's you, Linda... If you don't invite me to that wedding eeh, oburu mu na gi! ..lol
* My R1.50c comment *
Hi,
You've said it your self, You waited quite a while to get your man. A flamboyant wedding shouldn't cause you to drive him away.
If he isn't in support of the whole grand style you want(irrespective of what the reasons are), darling, let it go. Marriage(compromise) is a union, and it takes two. Making him uncomfortable at the wedding is a bedrock for disaster as this would come back to bite you. Going ahead with the plan with your own financial backing, will prove to him that his say doesn't matter!
Make him see that you and him having the best union built on God and love is what you strive for not short term pleasures! Doyin
This is linda ikeji's story
Linda, this is you!
So true...
Cool advice. Just take things easy the wedding is just a day celebration trying to impress our invited guests but your hubby is the most important here. We men likes to be in charge as the head. Just make him feel his in charge then he can shift ground a little. But don't push too much to achieve that
I would go with your comment. Pls try and respect him as the man. U are very blessed to have him, as opposed to those lousy ones that ll pretend they own heaven and earth just to date and marry u
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